We pride ourselves with a diverse readership who have in common, a love of purebred dogs. While we try to create posts that will educate, amuse, or appeal to fanciers and non-fancier alike, today we start a tongue-in-cheek post entitled, “Ten Ways to know You’ve been Showing Dogs too Long.” Its author is a close personal friend of NPDD’s:

1) When making lunch, you shove your hand into the bottom of a sandwich bag to grab a sandwich and turn it inside-out before zip-locking it shut;

2) You insist that the nail tech about to grind your acrylic nails first pull a nylon stocking over your hand to avoid catching hair;

3) You sob incoherently for failing to make the cut when the cashier at a check stand makes the person in front of you her last customer;

4) Indignant at the nerve of some people of planting a traffic cone to save a parking spot, you pick up every orange traffic cone that some selfish slob has set out to save their spot at a dog show.  That this should entail the collection of 155 cones set up for the length of 11 miles of road construction only confirms in your own mind the self-centeredness of some people;

5) You have your tax refund sent directly to your local dog show superintendent reasoning that it’s where the money is going to go anyway;

6) You feel more comfortable pulling your shopping cart by a nylon cord than by pushing it from behind by the handle bar; In case of bumps, you fasten down the entire contents of the buggy with no fewer than 16 bungee cords. Those bananas and eggs aren’t going anywhere!

7) During a routine visit to the dentist, your hands fly up to your mouth where you commence to show the dentist your own bite. You’re especially careful to show him the view from each angle as you turn your head this way and that, and hook a finger in the corner of your mouth and stretch it to the back of your head to show that you have all premolars. As he backs away from you slowly and fearfully, you offer to lie down quietly on the floor for the hygienist to clean your teeth;

8) You’ve done an exceptional job of cutting your dog’s bait into uniformly small and square pieces which fit perfectly in the pocket of your skirt. Too late, you realize that you’ve just cut up your boss’ steak over a power-lunch to discuss your qualifications for a higher position. Feebly, you withdraw the lint covered pieces and offer to piece the fillet back together;

9) You have a morbid fear of orange soda and sticky lollipops when brandished by any child, anywhere, who is about to approach you in the presence of an animal. This, you find, includes the park where you’ve just thrown yourself over a pigeon to protect its coat;

10) You’ve come to regard anyone wearing a name badge as someone who can “do” something for you. This explains the perfectly executed triangle you’ve just performed for the postal clerk at the window selling stamps.

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