The Felix Ungers of the world would recoil.

Neil Simon’s hugely popular play, The Odd Couple, first appeared on Broadway in 1965. It was subsequently made into a movie, and between 1970 and 1975, it ran as a television series. The plot threw together two mismatched roommates, the laid back slob, Oscar Madison, and the tightly-wound neat freak, Felix Unger. Nether were pet owners, but if they were, Oscar wouldn’t care if there was a mule in the house. Felix, however, would be a cat person, and even then, his approach to cleaning a litter box would involve thick butyl rubber gloves, a haz mat suit, and an telescoping litter scooper extendable to ten feet. Felix was particular.

In Felix Unger’s hell, he would be surrounded by Neapolitan Mastiffs: Wrinkly, long, floppy jowls, drool and a slobber cloth. We think the Neo is glorious: Enormous, muscular, calm, but cautious, and oh so majestic.  Like most breeds, the Neapolitan is not for everyone, but for individuals who admire solemnity and loyalty in a “terrifying countenance” that hasn’t much changed in centuries, this is a marvelous breed. There is a name for the breeder who creates the next generation of this breed, and that is Mastinaro.  Assemble a few breeders together, and they are Mastinari. If they live in countries adhering to FCI standards, they call their Neo by its Italian name, “Mastino,” short for Mastino Napoletano. If they own several Neos, they have “Mastini,” the plural form of Mastino.

Felix would admire the history of the breed and its specific lexicon. He would not, however, ever own one, nor would a conscientious breeder place a Neo with anyone unprepared for all that comes with ownership: A puppy that can grow in weight from 50 to 150 pounds in the first 15 months of age, a head that will become larger than their own, and enough saggy skin in which to get lost when hugging, correct wrinkles that the marvelous writer, Denise Flaim describes as, “stiff, rigid, durable, immobile.”

Image: Neapolitan Mastiff by © Vkarlov|Dreamstime