This clever list that follows below originally appeared on the Facebook page of A Home for Every Mastiff back in 2013 was credited to another Mastiff rescue group’s wall. We’d be very pleased to publish the name of the original author – anyone?
How to Tell if You’re Ready For a Mastiff
1) Lift a hundred pound bag of wet sand up and down the stairs;
2) Push a hundred pound bag of wet sand into your car;
3) Smear hair gel all over your walls and throw it on the ceiling and TV, while you’re at it, smear the lower half of all windows, curtains and glass;
4) Rub fur and gel into the roof of your vehicle;
5) At least twice daily, drop that bag of wet sand on your bare foot;
6) Shake balls of fur, mulch, and a bucket of dirt all over your house daily (add water for rainy days);
7) Practice repeating “English mastiff, about 200 pounds…8-10 cups a day…”no, I don’t have a saddle,” over and over with a smile;
8) Volunteer at the zoo to help wash the large animals and clean up their poop;
9) Invite your friends over and have them all try to get in the bathroom while you are using it;
10) Practice telling people that your husband does NOT beat you, that those bruises are from your dog!
11) Take a nice long piece of rubber hose and go around smacking all the coffee mugs off the end-tables and hit any close male where he doesn’t like to be hit and smack your own legs a few times too;
12) Have someone operate a chain saw at the foot of your bed all night…record this and play it every night close to your ear.
True, Mastiff owners?