We came across this list of ways to know you’re a Bulldog owner, but it was unattributed, and we’d like to rectify this. Read it and enjoy, but if you know who wrote it, please let us know so we can finally give credit to the clever author.

You’re A Bulldog Owner If…

1. Your dog snores louder than your mother in-law, snores louder than the train that rumbles by your house every morning, so they use your house for noise abatement research by the airport authority.

2. Your dog spends more time in bed than you do.

3. You think Walter Matthau’s face is handsome and dignified.

4.You buy Beano and yogurt by the case and you sleep with the windows open in the winter.

5. If your dog is mistaken for Miss Piggy.

6. You make your dog wear a life preserver while taking a bath.

7. If your dog goes on a diet more than you do and has just about as much success.

8. Your Vet takes a vacation to Las Vegas every year but you don’t take vacations any more!

9. If you trip over your dog more than three times a day.

10. You put a Mack Truck Bulldog on the front of your riding lawnmower.

11. You know your dog’s pedigree better than your family tree.

12. You spent more time in the delivery room with your dog than with your wife.

13. People on the street look at your dog in shock and say, “What’s that?” People on the street either run to the other side or come right up and pet your Bulldog, but *nobody* ignores it!

14. When the pool service people refer among themselves to your house as “the house with the ugly dogs”

15. When you’re away from home and can’t sleep because there isn’t any snoring in the room.

16. You look at your Bulldog and know for the cost of medical bills you could have purchased that condo in Aspen.

17. You’ve finally learned to be very careful not to use your dog’s thermometer on yourself.

18. You have a bumper sticker on your car: “Globber Happens.”

19. The woodwork in your house has permanent globber marks about one foot from the floor.

20. You share tips on globber removal with your friends on the Internet. (No one else understands!)

21. You consider “ugliness” and “sloth” to be complex philosophical concepts.

22. The people at the local McDonald’s know your bulldogs by their names.

23. “You never miss an episode of Jake and the Fat man.”

24. When your mate insists that “if the bulldog wants to sleep between us, it’s OK”.

25. If your mate cuddles with the bulldog more than he cuddles with you.

26. If you have more pictures of your bulldogs in your wallet than you do your kids…..

27. If you can pass gas and get away with blaming it on the dog…you must have a bulldog.

28. They’re bark is worse than their bite, but it’s the gas that kills you.

29. If the water bottle you carry on your walks is for your dog and not for you…….

30. If the pizza delivery people know your dogs by name, and send them Christmas cards.

31. When there is as much water on the floor around the water dish as there is in it.

32.You are sleeping on 6″ of a king size bed, and the rest is full of snoring bodies.

33. The people in the suite above you phone at 2:00 A.M. to say the snoring is keeping them awake.

34.You start to like the smell of bitter apple.

35. You realize the most wasted phrase used in America is “be a good boy while daddy goes to work.”

36. You might be a bulldog owner if your vet bill arrives with extra postage!

37. When you’re the one that’s truly owned.

38. When you actually look forward to and enjoy a tongue lashing!!

39. You might a bulldog owner if your boyfriend thinks your bully looks better than you do first thing in the morning!

40. You know you are a Bulldog owner when your mate would rather kiss your Bully than you first thing in the morning.

41. You consider slobber as a natural source of fireproofing, for your clothes and furniture.

42. Your co-workers know the name of your bully and always ask about your baby (they pass on the information you tell them to friends and family for a laugh!!)

43. You must be a bulldog owner if: Your co-workers know your bully’s name and recognize your bully on sight, but didn’t know you also had grown children!!

44. You must be a bulldog owner if: All it takes is the mention of your bully’s name and your mood automatically changes for the better!!

45. You must be a bulldog owner if: Your boss always changes the subject on you by asking about your bully (knowing that’s all it takes for you to loose track of anything else on your mind you may want to complain about!!)

“English Bulldog on Armchair” by Jenni Cator
Stockbridge Gallery
http://www.dogsinart.com